


Burden

by Far_Away_From_Sane



Series: Stray Kids [2]
Category: Day6 (Band), K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Cuddling, Dowoon is trying, Everyone loves Yang Jeongin, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Maknae-centric, OT9 - Freeform, Self Confidence, Self-Esteem Issues, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-08-14 12:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16492379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Far_Away_From_Sane/pseuds/Far_Away_From_Sane
Summary: Day6's maknae Dowoon finds Jeongin crying all alone in the practice room and doesn't know what to do, so he drags him to his own hyungs and lets them deal with it. But the boy's not really making it easy for them and for some reason, he won't let them call Chan.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Ari for the Stray Kids/Day6 interaction prompt!!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> This has not been proofread so I hope you can oversee some of my mistakes hehe  
> This is the first part out of 2 (the second is where they do some talking)
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy! <3

 

 

 

With the last note of their comeback song Jeongin collapses onto his knees before unceremoniously collapsing onto his stomach with a loud groan that echoes in the empty practice room. He’s lost count of how many hours he’s spent trying to get the dance to stick in his memory without success, no matter how much he’s repeated the steps over and over again he’s made no significant progress. 

 

Flipping onto his back he throws a dejected arm over his eyes and sucks in a deep breath, the sting in his eyes ever so present and the pressure on his chest getting heavier, exhaling deeply through his nose he bites his lip to keep a cry from escaping him. His legs feel like jelly and his feet like he’s walked a hundred miles barefoot on broken glass, his back is aching and his knees are bruised, and with a pounding headache Jeongin can do nothing but lie on the sweaty wooden floor and feel sorry for himself.

 

His bottom lip wobbles dangerously and he bites it even harder and swallows the lump in his throat harshly, only prolonging the inevitable. It’s late in the night and as far as he knows all of his hyungs are back at their dorm already, although any of 3racha could be lurking in one of the studios, but he remembers Chan sending a picture in the group chat a few hours ago of Jisung sleeping on top of Hyunjin on their couch with Changbin posing next to them, so it’s only natural for him to assume that he’s the only one that’s still not at home. 

 

He too, wishes he was on that couch being cuddled by the two older boys in the comfort of their own home, but he, as opposed to them, does  not deserve it, in his opinion. Hyunjin being the wonderful dancer that he is, picks up the choreography with ease and even spends his free time helping the others to learn it as well. And Jisung, the prodigy who can do no wrong isn’t far behind either, always one to pick the choreo up relatively quickly, and even if he was the slowest out of them all which he in no way is, he writes their music together with the other two that make up 3racha so not one of them would ever judge him for it. 

 

Jeongin on the other hand, he sings what they tell him to sing, never really contributing to anything (not because he doesn’t want to, but because he can’t) and then he can’t even learn the choreography to lessen the burden for his hyungs, how pathetic. At least that’s what Jeongin thinks, and no one’s really told him any different so he has no need for contemplating whether that may or may not be true.

 

The thought of how useless he is only feeds the sadness growing inside of him and with his next exhale he lets out a broken sound that resonates through the room, and with that sound, the dam breaks. The first couple of tears well over the rim of his eyes and trail down the sides of his face, wetting his ear in an uncomfortable manner but he makes no move to stop them. 

 

His hyungs don’t even know what he’s doing, he told them he’d be studying for the history test he has in two weeks together with one of the managers, but in reality it isn’t for another month and the managers are long gone. He only told them that so that they wouldn’t try and stop him from going, they don’t like it when he practices alone, they don’t like it when any of them practice alone, but for some reason they seem to pay extra attention to him and he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s younger than them or because they don’t think he’s capable of doing it on his own. But either way it hurts when they tell him to go to bed early or to head home while they stay put because it feels like they’re rejecting him, feels like they’re tired of him and want him out of their hair. Like he’s a burden they’re getting rid of.

 

His face starts to scrunch up and he begins to cry in earnest, he cries for himself and for the others, cries for how useless he is and for how useless he feels. The sobs feel like they’re being torn from his chest and cast out of his mouth, rendering him breathless and struggling for air. 

He tilts his head up so that he can look behind himself, although upside down, at the foggy mirror. However, instead of reminding him of the hard work he’s put into learning the choreography it only reminds him of his neverending failures, closing his eyes he lets a few more tears slip from his eyes as his continues to cry. He’s so tired and he feels so alone, and he cries because of it, even though he knows that he doesn’t necessarily have to be alone. He could call one of his hyungs, or simply call one of the managers and ask them to take him home to his hyungs, however, Jeongin would never want to burden any of them with his problems, especially when they’re so minuscule that he should be able to handle them for himself.

 

Lost in his cries and his despair he doesn’t hear when the door to the practice room opens nor when the man carrying a phone on a selfie stick stumbles in, he does, however, notice that he’s not alone when a voice that does not belong to him echoes in the room, “uh..hello? Are you okay?” his voice is deep and his Busan accent heavy in his words, Jeongin immediately recognizes the voice and tentatively lifts his arm from his face to sit up.

 

He must be quite the sight, his eyes red and puffy from crying and his face covered in tears and snot and sweat from his earlier practice, “Jeongin-ah?” Dowoon asks, surprise coloring his booming voice and Jeongin nods his head hastily and leans forward to bow, his forehead touching his outstretched legs.

 

“Do you need the practice room, sunbaenim? I can leave,” he stands onto his knees with only a little difficulty but Dowoon quickly shakes his head and his left hand simultaneously, “no, no, sit down, there’s no need,” Jeongin wipes his cheeks and blinks up at the older boy, tilting his head in the process. Dowoon detaches his phone from the selfie stick and sits down on the couch alongside the wall of the practice room directly in front of Jeongin, he leans forward with his elbows onto his knees and asks, “why were you crying?” and to the horror of Dowoon that has the opposite effect of what he was hoping for, because Jeongin eyes well up once more and he buries his face in his hands, sobs beginning to resonate in the room.

 

“Oh, no!” Dowoon panics and slides down from the couch to sit on the floor in front of the younger boy, “don’t cry, I didn’t mean to make you cry!” his words do nothing to calm the distraught boy and he hits himself mentally for being so stupid, he should have eased into it but Dowoon’s never been particularly good with social cues, especially not crying.

 

“I’m sorry I upset you, Jeongin-ah, let me call Chan and-” 

 

“No!” Jeongin practically shouts and shoots forward to stop Dowoon from reaching for his phone, he catches the older boy’s wrist in his hand and sucks in a stuttering breath, “please, sunbaenim, please don’t call Channie hyung, please,” Dowoon reaches forward with hesitant arms to hold the shaking boy by the shoulders and Jeongin straightens up enough to look into Dowoon’s eyes.

 

“Please don’t cry,” Dowoon mumbles and Jeongin sniffs helplessly and reaches up with his free hand to wipe away a few stray tears, “please don’t call Channie hyung,” his Busan accent slips out with his plea and Dowoon feels helpless as he hears the poor boy begging, the rational part of him knows that he’s not equipped to handle this alone and that he should most definitely contact one of the boy’s immediate hyungs, but the slightly less rational part of him tells him that it wouldn’t make things better if he called Chan, he feels that it would most probably overwhelm the boy and he’d start to cry even more. 

 

But still, the little rationality that he has tells him that he should get someone else, anyone else, involved. Jeongin hiccups as tears slip from his eyes and trail down his swollen cheeks, “please, sunbaenim,” Dowoon thinks that he, in a more lighthearted situation would enjoy the title, but in this moment, with the younger boy crying in front of him, it only makes him feel like he’s scaring the fox-looking boy. “Jeongin-ah, it’s okay, you can call me hyung,” he tells him honestly.

 

Blinking up at Dowoon Jeongin feels himself relaxing the tiniest bit, some of the tension in his shoulders giving way as the Busan accent washes over him and the deep timbre of his voice reminds him of Felix. He hiccups once more and swallows loudly, he’s cried so much that his breath is hitching and his entire body moving with it, but the overhanging cloud of gloominess feels a little brighter and the pressure in his chest ever so much lighter. 

 

Dowoon watches him quietly, the vlive he was planning on doing long forgotten and his own bratty maknae attitude left at the door, it’s not often that he gets to act the role of a hyung and in his own personal opinion it’s very noticeable that he’s unused to it, but he quite enjoys it, weirdly enough. Of course, he’s not enjoying the younger boy’s cries and suffering, but he likes that the boy isn’t shying away from his light touches, even leaning into them slightly. 

 

“I won’t call Chan, but you can’t stay here in these clothes,” he tugs gently at the fabric covering Jeongin’s shoulders, fabric that has been worn for far too long, damp with hours worth of sweat and tears. “How about this,” pausing to choose his words carefully Dowoon tries to think of a way as to not scare the younger boy away, “we go and get you washed up and then we can figure the rest out later,” Jeongin stays quiet for a moment, digesting the words and thinking them over, he wants to keep practicing because he knows that he needs it, but he also knows how late it is and how tired he is and deep within himself he’s aware that he won’t make any progress in his condition.

 

“Okay,” he mumbles quietly and Dowoon breaks out into a wide, toothy smile, happy to have done something good and to not have made the boy cry again, although he’s quite sure it might not last for long.

 

Pulling the boy up from the floor is easy but what he’s not prepared for is Jeongin almost tipping over as soon as he’s on his feet, “woah!” Dowoon exclaims as he catches him in his arms, not caring for even a second that he too will have to shower after being hugged by the sweaty boy. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” pushing himself out of Dowoon’s arms Jeongin straightens up with a tired smile on his face that only looks misplaced together with his red-rimmed and puffy eyes, tear tracks still visible on his cheeks, “I’m sorry, I just got a bit dizzy for a second,” Dowoon’s not an idol by any means, he’s a drummer, and so Dowoon, consequently, has no idea what to do. 

 

“Um, okay,” he mumbles helplessly and loops Jeongin’s arm over his shoulders, “let’s get you cleaned up,” Dowoon grabs Jeongin’s phone and puts it in the boy’s backpack before slinging that onto his own back, and after turning the lights off they exit the practice room and head down the corridor to the elevator, passing a toilet on the way, “oh, there was a bathroom right there,” Dowoon panics and tries to come up with an excuse to keep his plan in play.

 

“Uhm, there’s no toilet paper! I checked,”  _ I checked? You couldn’t come up with anything better? _ “Oh, okay,” pressing the button on the elevator the doors fly open immediately, most likely because no one’s used it since Dowoon as everyone has the weekend off, starting at 6 pm today (or yesterday, as it is past midnight).

 

They ride down a couple of floors until they reach their designated destination and Dowoon can only hope that the boy won’t question him until his plan is fulfilled. Heading down the corridor Jeongin looks around himself at all the unfamiliar rooms, he’s never been on this floor before because he’s never had the need to. As they walk further down the corridor Jeongin can hear voices coming from one of the rooms and at first, he assumes it must be some of the staff members working after hours, but as the voices get louder he can hear the very distinct words, “Wonpil-ah! Stop it!” and it suddenly becomes clear to him that Dowoon isn’t taking him to wash up, he’s taking him to his own hyungs, probably so that they can call Chan!

 

“No, hyung!” he tries to pull away from the older boy but Dowoon only tightens his hold on him and continues to walk, “hyung, please! Just let me go back to the practice room, please!” it physically pains Dowoon to shut the younger boy’s words out but he’s trying to be the responsible one here and avoid an incident where someone (Jeongin) ends up in the hospital from dehydration and exhaustion- and also an earful from his hyungs and probably even his dongsaeng Chan.

 

The door to a room on the left opens and Wonpil peaks his head out having heard the commotion Jeongin was creating, he’s wearing an eye-smiling grin that completely falls off his face when he sees Dowoon struggling to hold onto the boy who’s begun to cry again. “Yah, Dowoon-ah!” he exclaims loudly with a tint of anger to his voice which is unjustified but not unexpected as Dowoon has yet to give any context as to why he’s holding Stray Kids’ (crying) maknae hostage.

 

Wonpil’s shouts attract the attention of the other boys and the door opens fully, revealing Sungjin who quickly assesses the situation and begins to pry Dowoon off of Jeongin, “Dowoon-ah, what the hell are you doing?” his accent becomes even heavier as his anger bubbles to the surface and Dowoon reluctantly lets go of Jeongin and holds his hands up like a criminal caught in the act, “it’s not what it looks like,” his comment does nothing to help his situation and Younghyun levels him with an ice-cold glare that has him shuddering where he stands.

 

Sungjin pulls Jeongin into a hug and pats his head in comfort, if not a bit awkwardly, “shh, shh, let’s go inside and sit down for a second,” Sungjin mumbles into Jeongin’s hair calmly but Jeongin shakes his head forcefully and sobs into Sungjin’s chest, “don’t call Channie hyung,” he practically wheezes out. Frowns now decorate all faces except for Dowoon’s and Jae takes the initiative to figure out what the hell is going on, “Dowoon, explain,” he orders him plainly, not angrily but firmly, leaving no room for an answer not pertaining to the crying boy.

 

“Hyung, just drop it! Please,” Jeongin interrupts, tearing himself away from Sungjin’s comforting embrace to try and persuade the other maknae not to rat him out, and had they been the same age he probably would have succeeded, but Dowoon is six years his senior and therefore a hyung before he’s a maknae in this situation. 

 

“I found him crying in the practice room,” Jeongin hiccups and wipes angrily at the tears on his cheeks, his movements are sluggish and he’s so very exhausted, but he’s also stubborn and doesn’t want to admit defeat, at least not to anyone but himself. “I was gonna do a vlive in the practice room but it was occupied by...him,” Dowoon trails off, not really sure what more there is to say as the younger boy hasn’t provided him with any information other than ‘don’t call Channie hyung’, “and?” Jae prompts to which Dowoon only shrugs.

 

“He was crying so I offered to call Chan and then he started doing...that,” pointing to the sobbing boy with an accusatory finger, “I didn’t know what to do so I lied and said we would go wash up but instead I took him to you cause you’re usually, y’know, better at  _ this  _ than me,” he gestures to the fox-looking boy and around himself wildly to specify ‘this’.

  
  


Yonghyun throws a brotherly arm around Jeongin and tugs him into his side while Sungjin looks between his own maknae and Stray Kids’ maknae to try and figure out if what Dowoon is saying is true or not, but when Jeongin makes no move to protest his words other than to continue to cry he assumes that what Dowoon is telling them is true. “Jeongin-ah, where is your manager hyung?” Younghyun asks calmly, no judgment in his voice and no rush, only calmness and wonder, “at home,” Jeongin answers quietly, voice barely reaching their ears.

“Does your manager know you’re here alone?” silence, except for Jeongin’s muted sobs, follow. The silence speaks for itself and Jae as well as Sungjin shake their heads disapprovingly while Younghyun only nods solemnly and squeezes the boy tighter to him, “okay,” he mumbles to no one in particular.

 

“Okay, Jeongin-ah,” Jeongin looks up from where he’s tucked into the elder’s side and their eyes meet, both pairs laced with sleepiness but only one pair struggling to stay open, “we’ll contact one of your managers and let him know we’re taking you home, right?” Sungjin nods in full agreement with Younghyun’s words, “and then we’ll call Chan-”

 

“No, not Channie hyung!” Jeongin surprises himself with the raspiness of his voice but also with the volume and how he just spoke to his seniors, he urgently goes to apologize, however as soon as he starts he’s cut off by Wonpil, having stayed silent this whole time Jeongin is not expecting it when the man speaks, “we’re only gonna call Chan to let him know we’re on our way, we won’t tell him anything, right hyungs?” a chorus of yes's follow and Dowoon too lets out a sound of agreement.

 

“What do you say? Does that sound okay, buddy?” Jae questions gently, already feeling bad for not keeping the promise he just made, there’s no way in hell he’s keeping all of this from Chan. Jeongin nods silently before emitting a small ‘hm’ and Jae spares him a quick smile. He doesn’t consider himself a scary-looking person,  he’s compared to chicken little on a regular basis, (a character as far from scary as one can get) however, he’s well aware of his status as the boy’s senior as well as the nine year gap that exists between them and therefore tries to make sure the boy understands that none of them are mad or annoyed in the slightest. He tries to show through his smile that the boy’s not being a bother, whether he believes it or not Jae can’t tell, but he notices a small smile tug at the corners of the boy’s lips and figures that’s got to be worth something.

 

“Let’s get you home, huh,” Younghyun receives no answer but neither does he receive any protests, so they quickly pack away all their things, Wonpil, Sungjin and Jae doing all the work while Younghyun holds onto Jeongin and Dowoon stands pressed up against the wall (as well as he can with Jeongin’s heavy backpack on his back) watching them all. When all is packed and the room is back in order they quietly exit the floor by elevator, riding all the way down to the garage where their car is parked. 

 

Sungjin discreetly grabs the keys out of Younghyun’s back pocket and gets himself seated in the driver’s seat with Jae next to him. Their car is originally made to fit eight people, however, as they are a band that carry loads of equipment the three seats in the back have been removed to make way for all their things, so Jeongin, inevitably, ends up seated in Younghyun’s lap which he apologizes for profusely, but Younghyun only shakes his head and tightens his arms around the younger boys midriff. 

 

They roll out onto the streets of Seoul, their very own ‘city that never sleeps’, as, despite it being in the middle of the night, is no darkness to find. Their car is just one out of many cruising down the never-ending roads.

 

Jae picks up his phone from his pocket and pulls up an image of one of the many contact lists found at the JYP building, specifically the one with the managers for all the idols. Picking the first one he sees under Stray Kids he sends a quick message telling him it’s ‘Jae from Day6,’ and telling him they’re on their way to Stray Kids’ dorm with Jeongin, and for proof he snaps a discreet selfie- making sure to get the boy in the background- and presses send. His number is easy for the managers to authenticate so he doesn’t bother with the formalities, mostly because he’s got another pressing matter to attend to. Contacting Chan.

 

Opening his conversation with Chan he barely thinks before he begins to type. 

 

-ok dont freak out but im on my way to your dorm with jeongin

-were like literally five minutes away so ill just explain evrthng when we get there

-but dont freak out

 

Needless to say, Jae’s texts has Chan freaking out. Why the hell is Jeongin with Jae and not with a manager? And why is Jae telling him not to freak out when that will obviously only make him freak out more? 

 

Chan paces in the living room restlessly with his hands buried in his hair, most of the other boys are in their rooms, Felix is sitting by the desk doing some casual studying of some new words he heard on TV today and Jisung’s in the kitchen getting himself a late night snack. Chan’s quite thankful that out of all the members it’s Jisung and Felix who’s there and not Hyunjin and Seungmin, or any other combination with Hyunjin. Solely because when it comes to Jeongin Hyunjin can get a bit too worried, a bit too loud, and a bit too overbearing over the smallest of things. Purely out of worry, of course, but that doesn’t make it any easier on their sensitive maknae who has a hard time with affection in normal amounts.

 

Only a few minutes pass before Chan hears the door open and he quickly heads into the hall to see Younghyun, with Jeongin clinging to him, making an entrance. Jae and Dowoon quick to follow before closing the door behind them. When Jeongin spots Chan he hastily lets go of Younghyun to hug his hyung tightly and Chan barely has the time to greet him before he’s got an armful of his maknae latching onto him.

 

“Hyung?” Felix’s deep voice comes from behind them and Chan gestures with a nod of his head to the three men cramped up in the hallway, “oh, hello,” Felix greets them with a bow before reaching over and grabbing Jeongin’s backpack from Dowoon, “hey, Felix,” Chan mumbles in English and Felix sets the backpack down before giving his hyung his full attention, “why don’t you and Jisung take Jeongin here with you and cuddle up on the sofa,” they both know that Jeongin understands at least 80% of what they’re saying but it still feels more comfortable to whisper the words in English than Korea. 

 

Without a word Felix nods and leans in so that his mouth is just by the younger’s ear, “Innie~ come cuddle with me,” winding his arms around Jeongin he carefully peels him away from Chan without too much fuss and leads him away from the hallway and into the living room where Jisung’s snacking away on string cheese and mango yogurt. “Jeonginnie?” Jisung whispers in concern as he takes in the swollen cheeks, the red-rimmed eyes, the tear tracks on his cheeks and the over-chewed lips of his. “Hyung,” Jeongin mumbles quietly, voice breaking halfway before he falls onto the couch and rests his head onto Jisung’s chest, directly above his heart.

 

“Aigoo, is my baby tired?” he asks in an overly cutesy voice to try and lighten the mood as Felix crawls onto the sofa as well and plasters himself against Jeongin’s back, but his words seem to have the opposite effect as Jeongin curls in tighter and begins to hiccup once more. He’d been doing so good in the car with Younghyun, barely making a sound as his cries began to subside, but now that he’s back with his hyungs he can’t help but realize how truly tired he is.

 

“Oh no, Jeonginnie don’t cry, why are you crying~” Jisung whines and hugs the boy close to him, snacks on the table long forgotten, “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he tells him honestly, voice taking on a more serious tone and Jeongin stutters out an answer with difficulty, “y-you d-d-didn’t.”

 

Jisung opts not to answer him in fear of making matters worse and instead only curls closer to the boy as close as physically possible and presses a kiss to his forehead, he meets Felix’s eyes above Jeongin’s resting form but Felix only shrugs as to say ‘I don’t know either’ and Jisung figures the one with the answers is Chan.

 

He’s both right and wrong. 

 

“He was just crying? He wasn’t in pain or anything?” Dowoon shrugs helplessly and winds it hands together behind his back, “he wouldn’t tell me anything, he only told me not to call you, he was  _ very  _ adamant about that,” this has Chan frowning with confusion as well as hurt. Why wouldn't Jeongin ask him for help if he needed it?

 

“And he wasn’t in the study room?” shaking his head Dowoon tells him, “he was in one of the practice rooms, the mirror was all fogged up and he was drenched in sweat,” and Younghyun adds, “he also said that none of the managers knew he was alone, I assume he told them he’d be with one of you.”

 

“Just like he told us he’d be with one of the managers,” Chan mutters a bit bitterly, worried for the youngest boy but also mad that he lied to not only him and the others but to their managers as well. “Chan,” Jae interrupts Chan’s train of thought and the tired leader looks up at the older man, “I wouldn’t go too hard on him, at least not tonight, you didn’t see him back there but he was...messed up man, crying so hard he could barely breathe. I don’t know what’s going on but this is clearly more than a bit of teenage rebellion,” Chan doesn’t know what to say to that so he settles for nodding. He didn’t see Jeongin back at the JYP building, but he saw how the boy acted when he got home, saw how he clung to Younghyun before flinging himself onto Chan, a very non-Jeongin thing to do, and not to mention, he also trusts Jae and his words.

 

“We’re probably gonna head to bed soon so I’ll...I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” he replies back after a moment of silence and Jae sends him a gentle smile before patting him on the shoulder, “you can always call one of us, I don’t know if we’d be much help but the offer stands,” Younghyun nods along with Jae and nudges Dowoon to nod as well, the man most likely not fully understanding what’s being said but trusting his hyungs not to trick him into anything stupid.

 

“Thank you,” Chan responds, “really, and thank you for bringing him back, who knows what would have happened if-” he cuts himself off, not even wanting to think about all the possibilities. “Don’t worry, Chan, Dowoon always help fox,” Dowoon tells him in broken English but his message gets across and Chan bows his head, “thank you, Dowoon-ssi,” switching to Korean naturally he thanks the older man. 

 

“We should head home as well,” Jae informs him and Chan remembers that it’s still in the middle of the might and he’s keeping them up with all his questions and keeping Sungjin and Wonpil waiting in the car, “of course! Yeah, of course,” Dowoon opens the door and slips out with a quiet ‘goodnight’ and it gives the two older men some more room in the cramped hallway, “it’ll be okay, dude,” Jae tells him and pulls him into a side hug with a pat on his back.

 

“Yeah, call if you need anything, seriously,” Younghyun adds and Chan nods and waves them goodbye, they exchange goodnight’s and in the next second the door is closed and he’s alone in the hallway, and with the other men gone silence fills the apartment, leaving way for Jeongin’s cries to reach Chan’s ears.

 

Sucking in a deep breath Chan closes his eyes before exhaling deeply to calm himself down, he’s not angry, not really, but he’s worried, a little bitter, and most of all hurt. However, he knows nothing will be solved if he goes in there shouting or demanding immediate answers, and so he calms himself down as much as he can before entering the living room to where the three younger boys are huddled on the couch.

 

Jisung spots him first, being the only one with his head turned in Chan’s direction and he leans down so that his mouth is touching Jeongin’s ear and asks him, “is it okay if Chan hyung joins us?”

 

There’s a noticeable pause in Jeongin’s hiccups that has the other three on edge, but then he answers quietly, and what leaves his mouth makes Chan’s heart split in half, “no.”

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY!  
> This has taken way too long but I've been swarmed with school and my imagination has gone straight down the drain. But I hope you enjoy this <3 <3 <3  
> (also pls excuse any mistakes, I'll try to fix them sometime soon so feel free to point them out to me haha)

 

 

“No,” such a small word with such a large significance, it makes Chan’s chest hurt and his heart ache. What has he done for Jeongin to reject him so openly? What has he done to the youngest boy for him to not want his help when he so clearly needs it?

 

Even Jisung and Felix seem to have been expecting a different answer as they glance at the crying boy clutching Jisung’s shirt desperately nervously, “why not, Jeongin-ah?” Felix mumbles, voice low and careful like he’s walking on eggshells trying not to make the boy shut down as he’s prone to do. Jeongin gasps out in between sobs, “I don’t w-want h-hyung to s-s-see-” but hearing the panic in Jeongin’s voice they grow increasingly worried and Jisung begins to sit up a bit straighter and pulls Jeongin with him until he’s sitting upright with Jeongin in his lap, one hand on the boy’s back and the other on his thigh murmuring, “shh, calm down Innie.”

 

Jeongin heaves a breath and tries to calm his hiccups down as Felix too begins to rub his back and press kisses to his shoulder, all while Chan stays a meter away from the couch watching them, wanting to help but not knowing if he’s allowed to. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay,” Jeongin leans forward so that his forehead is touching Jisung’s shoulder and Jisung, although enjoying it, can’t help but grow more concerned for the boy as Jeongin is never one to cry as much as he is now and not one to seek comfort as openly either. 

 

“What is it you don’t want hyung to see, Innie?” Felix continues as he realizes no one else seems to be planning on doing it, having forgotten it when Jeongin began to freak out. Jeongin seems to have forgotten it as well because he nuzzles closer to Jisung and  whimpers quietly, the sound tugging at the heartstrings of the three other boys, 

 

“M-me,” he answers quietly, noise mostly muffled by Jisung shoulder but they manage to catch the single word anyways, “you?” Felix eggs on and Jeongin nods and sniffles. “I don’t want h-hyung to see t-this,” he waves a hand at himself and shakes his head like he’s disappointed by what he’s pointing at. And this time Chan can’t stay quiet.

 

“Jeongin-ah,” dragging a hand through his hair Chan pulls the table closer to the couch and sits down on the edge of it so that he’s in front of the three boys. “Jeongin-ah, please look at me,” he mumbles desperately and Jisung begins to maneuver the boy in his lap so that he’s still holding onto him but so that he’s able to look at their leader, he lifts his head just the tiniest bit so that he can look Chan in the eyes, wet, puffy, and red-rimmed eyes meet a pair of shiny ones, glistening with unshed tears.

 

“Whatever’s going on with you, it’s alright, okay? Hyung’s not gonna judge you, none of us are, right?” he sends a look towards the other two boys and they immediately nod in unison, usually, Jisung would probably have made some type of comment about Chan’s serious ‘dad’ voice but realizing the severity of the situation he refrains from doing so. Jeongin, having heard the dad voice as well, knows that this isn’t something Chan is going to let fly unless he addresses it, so hesitantly he lifts his head a bit further away from the warmth of Jisung’s neck and mumbles, “I’m just tired, hyung,” he hopes to hear Chan’s own tired sigh and his resigned ‘okay’ but to his disappointment that’s the opposite of what he’s met with. “No,” is what Chan tells him and his eyes snap up to meet the older’s, “wha-”

 

“You’re not just tired, Jeongin-ah, this isn’t  _ just  _ tired, this is something else and you know it,” whining pathetically Jeongin squeezes his eyes shut and hugs Jisung tighter to him, wishing for the ground to swallow him whole and for this night to never have happened. “Jeongin-ah, we’re just trying to help,” Felix whispers into his ear and it sends a shiver down Jeongin’s spine for all the wrong reasons, he doesn’t  _ want  _ help, he wants to sleep and he wants everyone to forget about this because he knows this will create tension between them, and he’s also aware of the fact that Jisung nor Felix can keep their mouth shut and by morning everyone will know about his breakdown and everyone will look at him strangely and everyone will talk about it and everyone will-

 

“Jeongin-ah,” Jisung shakes him slightly and it’s then that he realizes that he’s practically squeezing the life out of Jisung and Felix’s arm, “calm down, you-” Jeongin practically throw himself out of Jisung’s lap and crawls backward on the couch to the edge of it, “I d-don’t- I can’t,” Jisung’s eyes widen and he reaches out an arm to touch the younger boy but Jeongin kicks it away and starts to wave his arms in front of him as if to create some imaginary shield, “d-don’t hyung just g-go to s-sleep,” it’s clear to the others that he’s beginning to panic and Jisung, clutching his hand to his chest, doesn’t know what to do. 

 

Neither does Felix as he stays behind Jisung on the couch, doing nothing but looking as Jeongin pulls his shirt off himself and throw it onto the floor with little care for anything. Chan, however, can’t simply sit back and watch the youngest break down, and he’s not afraid to be hit once or twice either, and so he crawls onto the couch and wraps his arms around the youngest boy tightly who immediately begins to fight back. 

 

“N-no hyung!” paying his pleas no mind Chan manages to wrap him up in his arms to the point where Jeongin couldn’t escape even if he gave his all, “let me go!” he cries but Chan only nuzzles the younger boy’s neck and hugs him tightly to his chest, Chan shushes him quietly and begins to rock them slightly and Jeongin can do nothing but cry, loud sobs that echo throughout the dorm and tugs at the heartstrings of everyone present to hear him. Which no longer appears to be just the boys in the living room as Seungmin peaks his head out from his room and Woojin steps out of his shared room, heavy with sleep but alert enough to know that something is wrong.

 

“Channie-” Woojin mumbles and Chan’s head snaps up to meet the eyes of his worried friend, Chan shakes his head and gestures for them to go back to their rooms and Woojin goes to say something but he’s cut off by Seungmin tugging at his sleeve,  _ they’ve got it handled _ , he means, and with no words exchanged they retreat back to their rooms filled with worry.

 

“Why don’t you two got to bed as well? You must be tired,” Chan tells the other two boys on the couch and immediately Felix moves to protest, “hyung we can’t just-”

 

“Alright let me rephrase myself, go to bed,” his words leave no room for argument and as much as Felix wants to fight him on this, he knows that it’s for the best, knows that the only way for Chan and Jeongin to solve what’s going on between them is for them to be alone, where none of them can run away from each other and ignore the obvious issue. 

 

Nodding solemnly Felix grabs a hold of Jisung’s hand and squeezes, “give a shout if you need us, yeah?” Felix mumbles quietly in English to which CHan shoots him a quick reassuring smile and a hasty nod, and surprisingly Jeongin doesn’t let out a peep of protest as the boys get off the couch and retreat into the room Jisung shares with Seungmin and Hyunjin. 

 

When the door closes softly behind them Chan lets out a deep sigh that Jeongin feels rather than hears, he sinks a bit deeper into the couch and lets his lips rest on top of Jeongin’s head, not caring one bit about how sweaty he is and about how he really needs a shower.

 

“Talk to me, baby,” he lets the pet name without really thinking about it, it’s something the almost exclusively use to make fun of him or to tease him with, but it feels right to use it in this moment of vulnerability between them.

 

And shudder runs through Jeongin’s body and his own hands latch onto the ones wrapped tightly around him, this time not fighting them away, only holding onto them as if they are a lifeline, and in a way they might as well be. Chan’s always been there for him through thick and thin, through all the hardships they’ve been through and through all the joyous moments. Never once has he let Jeongin down, nor any of them. Chan is someone Jeongin can’t help but look up to for everything; this is wherein his problem lies.

 

Whenever he’s been having a hard time, despite not coming to the older boy with his problem, Chan has just  _ known _ , has known what to say and what to do without ever having been asked to do anything. But the problem is that there’s eight of them, it’s not just Jeongin that needs (Chan’s) help. And he last thing Jeongin wants to do is put even more pressure on his leader who’s already being squeezed tightly enough by JYP, by their management, their tight schedules, and by their fans. The last thing he wants is to make things more difficult for someone he loves, someone as brave and strong as Chan.

 

Lately he’s been struggling with almost everything, he’s been having a hard time in school- missing all those classes for performances and recordings have really left him behind with schoolwork- and a hard time at practice- getting distracted mid-dance because he’s so tired and forgetting steps because he stayed up studying instead of sleeping. Food hasn’t been a priority for a while now, not that Jeongin has actively skipped meals, but because of their messy schedules he’s had to skip lunch in school more than a few times to have the time to get to their next recording and it’s all been taking a toll on the maknae.

However, he’s not the only one that goes to school, which is one huge factor as to why he hasn’t said anything.  _ Hyunjin and Seungmin hyung seem to be doing fine, so why can’t I? _

 

He doesn’t have it tougher than them, he has no excuse.

 

“What are you thinking, huh? What’s going on in that brain of yours?” Chan interrupts his train of thought with a light shake that also has him realizing how he’s now shirtless and freezing at that. “I’m really tired, hyung,” he tells him, honestly this time, and when he hears Chan’s disappointed sigh he squeezes the arms around him and buries his back deeper into Chan’s chest to get some warmth out of the older boy, “no, I really am, hyung. I’m so tired,” his voice feels raw from all the shouting and crying and his head hurts slightly for more reasons than he can count.

 

“What’s got you so tired, buddy? You’re only seventeen, you shouldn’t be this stressed,” and oh, haven’t Jeongin heard that one too many times before.  _ You’re only seventeen, what do you have to be stressed about?  _ Or  _ you’re only seventeen, this is nothing. _

 

It makes his eyes water up again and he’s way too tired to fight them so slowly they begin to trail down his cheeks, “no, hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry, tell me what I did wrong,” Chan’s distressed voice reaches Jeongin’s ears and he closes his eyes as he hears how he’s stressing his hyung once again,  _ I can’t do anything right. _

 

“I know I’m only seventeen, hyung, and I know I don’t have it that bad but I can’t help it, I just feel so tired and so stressed and...and,” he can’t think of anything else he’s feeling because he truly doesn’t know what he’s feeling, this isn’t depression, he’d say, he’s seen that in Changbin and Jisung and it didn’t look like this, this is just him being stupid.

 

“What? No, that’s not at all what I meant!” Chan sounds enraged by Jeongin’s words and his arms begin to loosen around the boy, in panic Jeongin latches onto him in fear of him walking away but Chan only maneuvers them so that Jeongin’s still in his lap but facing him, and when they’re suddenly so close Jeongin doesn’t know what to with himself, doesn’t know where to look or where to touch.

 

Thankfully Chan decides for him as he takes Jeongin’s arms and wraps them around his neck, “I didn’t mean that you can’t have problems because you’re young, I meant you shouldn’t have to,” Jeongin hesitantly lifts his eyes up to meet Chan’s and when he sees nothing but honesty swimming in the older boy’s eyes he relaxes an ounce, “seventeen should be an age when you’re happy and carefree, not stressed and as tired as you are,” to that Jeongin agrees. He doesn’t think he deserves to feel like this, he does, however, feel that most of it is because of him and that most of the blame should be put on him.

 

“I’m sorry, Jeongin-ah, hyung should have been more mindful of your situation, I’ve been focusing on our new album lately and I’ve been so caught up in it all that-” Chan continues to speak yet no words reach Jeongin’s mind as the only thing he can focus on is the fact that this is the exact opposite of what he wanted, now he’s gone and made Chan feel guilty again, made him feel like all the responsibility is his own and that he’s to blame. “Hyung, that’s not- no, d-don’t say that,” Chan, having missed Jeongin internal monologue of pain, startles at the tone in his voice, so steadfast and direct. “Don’t say what?” he questions with a tilt of his head, eyes blinking up at the youngest boy in his lap, genuinely confused.

 

“Don’t blame yourself, this isn’t your fault,” something flashes in Chan’s eyes, something that Jeongin can’t put a word on, but if he were to try and describe it with one word it would be ‘perplexed’. “It’s not your fault that I’ve been falling behind in school or that I’ve been messing up at practice, that’s- that’s on me,” the soft yet perplexed look in Chan’s eyes changes to a more serious look and his jaw tightens, “how is it on you, Jeongin-ah?”

 

Jeongin doesn’t know if he should answer that truthfully or not, it almost feels like a trap with th way Chan looks borderline angry. “I…” whatever he was about to say dies on his tongue when he realizes that he doesn’t actually know how it’s on him, it’s not like he hasn’t been doing everything that he can. He’s been studying as hard as possible and practicing whenever he’s had free time that isn’t spent on studying, yet nothing has changed, he hasn’t gotten any better (hasn’t gotten any worse either but that’s not a win in his books).

 

“Hyunjin and Seungmin hyung seem to be managing fine,” he mumbles a bit more bitterly than he intends to, he’s not actually angry at them more than he is angry with himself. Chan’s frown deepens and he puts his hands around Jeongin’s waist and squeezes him lightly as if to gain his attention, not that he needs to do that, Jeongin can’t focus on anything but Chan.

 

“Well, is your name Hyunjin or Seungmin?” Jeongin shakes his head to which Chan nods, “exactly, we’re all different and we all experience things differently, just because Minho’s got the new dance down in two practices doesn’t mean that we should judge Woojin for not doing so, right?” Jeongin shakes his head silently.

 

“How long have you been struggling with all of this?” with a shrug Jeongin lowers his gaze to rest in their joint laps, “around...a month or two...I guess,” he mumbles quietly, almost too quiet to hear but somehow Chan manages to catch onto his words, “baby…” he whispers sadly and leans forward to envelop the younger in a giant bear hug that can put Woojin’s bear hugs to shame.

 

With his faces buried in Chan’s neck, Jeongin mumbles, “I didn’t want you of all people to worry, hyung. You already have so much on your plate,” he sniffles, not caring about the new tears that trail down his cheeks and wet Chan’s t-shirt, “you always look after all of us, sometimes to the point where you forget to think about yourself, and I just...I didn’t want to call you and disturb you, that’s why I told Dowoon sunbae- hyung not to call you.”

 

Chan’s at a loss for words, he knows he’s got a lot on his plate at the moment but he’s  _ always  _ got time for any of his members, his friends, his brothers- especially the younger ones who are dealing with school on top of being an idol. “Oh, Jeongin-ah,” pulling away from the younger boy he reaches up to grab a hold of his cheeks and wipes away some of the stray tears, “I’ll always have time for you, even if I’m in the middle of a meeting with JYP I’ll come running if you need me, not out of obligation, but because I care and I want to help.”

 

Leaning forward Chan rests his forehead against Jeongin’s and continues to wipe away the tears that seem to have no end to them, “you don’t have to come to me either, you can call anyone you’d like because I promise you they feel the same as I do, but don’t keep everything to yourself, even if nothing’s happened and you just need to talk to someone, please don’t shut yourself out. And don’t lie to us,” at this Jeongin hiccups with guilt and tries to pull away from Chan but the older won’t let him. 

 

“I was really worried when Jae hyung texted me and said they were driving you home, I thought something really bad had happened, I ran through every scenario I could think of and none of them were good,” he’s not trying to guilt Jeongin, he’s just trying to make him understand the severity of the situation.

 

“If you need help with homework then please don’t hesitate to ask any of us, or if you need help with your vocals or your dancing, it doesn’t matter what it is, we’ll always be here for you,” Jeongin bites his lip to keep himself from letting out the cry that he feels lodged in his throat.

 

“I just feel s-so useless sometimes, hyung, like I don’t c-contribute to anything,” the barrier finally breaks and he begins to cry in earnest once more, already so tired both physically and emotionally that he can’t help but let his feelings loose, he’s already said too much to take anything back so he might as well say all of it.

 

“Baby…” Chan whispers sadly, there’s no way he could have known this is how Jeongin feels and yet he still feels guilty. “That’s not true at all, you do so much for us, more than you realize,” Jeongin shakes his head stubbornly but Chan’s having none of it.

 

“Whenever you smile, I feel a heavy weight being lifted off of my shoulders. Whenever I hear your voice I feel a certain calmness wash over me, whenever you laugh my chest fills with such joy and whenever you cuddle me I just feel so warm, so  _ home. _ ” 

 

“And I know I’m not alone in this, we’ve talked about it multiple times, sometimes when you've been asleep or just elsewhere,” Jeongin can’t believe what he’ hearing, it’s both unbelievable and incredibly embarrassing, he feels his cheeks heat up and regain some color; too much in his opinion.

 

Chan sees it too and doesn’t hesitate to point it out, “see, this is why we don’t tell you these kinds of things, because we know how you get,” it’s said in a teasing tone but there’s an underlying truth to it that can’t be ignored, “you’re not useless, not in  _ any  _ way, without you we wouldn’t be complete, we wouldn’t be stray kids.”

As much as Jeongin wants to refute that he knows it would only create more issues and they’d remain on this couch all night, which is the last thing he wants. “We need you,” Chan, in a rare display of affection, presses a kiss to Jeongin’s tear-streaked cheek and Jeongin feels like he’s about to die. He’s never been particularly good with affection but this...this he doesn’t know if he should love or hate.

 

“Do you trust me?” Chan asks, rather suddenly, and Jeongin immediately pulls away so that he can meet Chan’s eyes, “of course I do,” he tells him, voice small but honest, “then trust me when I tell you that we need you, that you matter and that we’ll always be here for you.”

 

Jeongin hesitates, not because he doesn’t trust Chan's words, but because there are some things that he just doesn’t want to believe. Yet, he can’t help but think  _ what harm will it do in believing his words? _ And when he can think of no coherent answer, he leans forward again, winding his arms more tightly around Chan. 

 

“Tell me you trust me.”

 

He does, he trusts Chan with his life, so he tells him so.

 

“I trust you,” and no more words need to be said. Jeongin won’t magically have it easier in school, his schedules won’t immediately change and never clash with each other, he’ll still have off days where his body will fail him and his vocals will lack, but if Chan can make those days even the tiniest bit better he’ll do anything in his power to make that happen.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And thanks to everyone who commented on this story, it really made me motivated to push through and finish this story! Thank you <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you liked it, they make my day <3
> 
> If you've got an idea or a prompt that you'd like for me to write (about Stray Kids) then just leave a comment :)


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